Gloria & Audrey Harchar

Defining Sentence Fluency

• When you read a particular piece aloud ask yourself, does it flow naturally? Does it keep moving forward smoothly, maintaining your interest?
• Sentence fluency is the natural, engaging rhythm of writing.

What Affects the Flow of Writing?

• Speed: long vs. short sentences
• Repetition: thoughtless or thoughtful
• Order of clauses and simple, compound, complex sentences
• sound devices to slow down of speed up your writing
• Varied transitions and beginnings

Which of the other traits can you see sentence fluency being most tied to?

Repetition is like IDEAS and ORGANIZATION, transitions is like IDEAS, sound devices is like WORD CHOICE issue.

Fried Fluency #1: Thoughtless Repetition and Choppy Sentences

Blah:

“Field trips are an important part of education. Field trips let students see how what they are learning matters outside the classroom. Students are actually able to see ideas in action. Field trips also provide a change in routine. Changes in routine can keep education exciting.”

With the choppy sentences and the word repetition of the section above, this essay is anything but interesting. It needs some revision.

• Can we change the fluency but keep the ideas and word choice almost the same?

Goal: change the lengths and types of sentences

Better:

“Because they let students see how what they are learning matters outside the classroom, field trips are an important part of education. Students are actually able to see ideas in action. Field trips also provide a change in routine, which helps keep education exciting.”

We began with a complex sentence, with a subordinate clause first. The next sentence is a simple sentence. Vary in you sentence structure!!!

Taking Risks with Language

• Include figurative language
• Utilize keen, sharp verbs–and fewer adverbs!

Instead of ran quickly, say dash,

and instead of walked slowly, say crawled

• Try exact nouns for authenticity and clarity. It will make it seem you know what you are talking about and it will bring a clearer picture of what you are talking about.

If  you are writing about going to the beach, don’t say you saw birds. Tell what kind of birds they are. Are they gulls?

• Include appropriate use of alliteration, rhyme, and sound devices
• Some words should be a bit new to you–you are stretching as a writer.
• Use adjectives that illuminate, using many different senses
• Figurative Language? Like what? Similes, metaphors, hyperbole, personification, etc.
• Blah:      The town was small and run-down.
• Better:     The gray, tired town was just small enough that the large oak at the south end of town hid it completely from the view of most travelers of State Route 55.

The town being described as tired is personification. Also, its hard for a whole town to be hidden by a tree.

• Blah:    Martha was fast. She ran faster than anyone else in her grade.
• Better:   Anyone who watched Martha run said she must have had a tornado for a father and a rocket for a mother. The girl was that fast.  (this is a hyperbole)

• Figurative Language? Like what? Similes, metaphors, hyperbole, personification, etc.
• Blah:    He heard beautiful music–the most amazing music he’d ever heard. He stood perfectly still, listening, until he forgot everything else.
• Better:    The music was sunlight and racing barefoot in summer. It was cool water in a tall glass, laughter, the best dream he’d ever had. He froze, letting wave after wave crash over him until everything else was washing away, and finally, just he was left, like foam weightless on top of this ocean of sound.

Music, here, is being described with metaphors and similes.

Six Traits Lecture: Close-up on Voice

Defining Voice

• Does this piece seem like anyone could have written it, or does it have a distinct personality?

– The uniqueness of what is said and how it is said helps define voice.

If Voice Depends On the Author, What Makes It Good?

• the author cares about the topic–and you can tell by how they talk about it
• the tone is appropriate to the subject and the audience
• strong feeling, honest statements
• clear and well-developed personality–the writing is able to create a connection and seeming interaction between author and audience
• does the writing have a gift for voice? well… do you feel something when you read their work?
• would you keep reading it even if it were much longer?

So, Does the Author Care??

Bad Idea:

• I’m writing because I think school dress codes are a bad idea.

(There isn’t anything to expand on this idea. )

Better Idea:

• By setting restrictions on appropriate dress, schools create more problems then they solve.

(Now, there is some thing to work with! You can discuss the problems dress code creates rather than solves.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bad Idea:

• It’s really bad when stupid people let their pets go in the wild, like in the Everglades with all the pythons. I think it’s dangerous because those snakes destroy everything.

Better Idea:

• When they release pets into the wild, well-meaning but uninformed owners are triggering potential catastrophes. One example is the increasing threat from the giant Burmese pythons in the Florida Everglades. A fierce predator, the python is dangerous for birds, mammals, alligators, and perhaps even humans.

Setting the Tone

formal vs informal

Tones to have in your writing: Dreamy, Frustrated, Concerned, Sarcastic, Sincere, or Humorous

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

(Good example of tone, though the first sentence breaks the rules with a run-on sentence. But this is done for the purpose of tone. The character is a very upset little boy and this is how he would express all his thoughts.)

“At breakfast Antony found a Corvette Sting Ray car kit in his breakfast cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code ring in his breakfast cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I’ll move to Australia.”

Other Notes on Voice

• The trait of voice is highly linked to word choice.
• The narrative voice is not the same thing as the author–a capable author can use different voices when necessary.
• Voice is perhaps the hardest thing to teach or formally learn. It is acquired by reading heaps and heaps and writing loads!

Voice Pitfalls

Forcing a persona that isn’t you and about whom you don’t know very much

• trying to sound intelligent: intelligence comes through with clean, effective, accurate points, not “verbal fluff” and fancy words
• trying to speak from the point of view of someone different from you if you don’t understand their perspective in an authentic way

Showing your feelings by stating them instead of showing them through powerful language (This is BAD, BAD, BAD)

• Remember the examples from earlier about dress codes and the Burmese pythons?

Wrapping It Up: The Big Picture in Voice

• Care about your topic. If you have no choice in the topic, find an angle that you can care about. That will give your writing power.
• Be honest about who you are and what you believe–don’t put something just because you think you’ll get a better grade or a better reception if you say something other than what you believe.
• Let your writing take on personality. You want to create a connection with your audience–you want them to be excited to read more of what you have to say in the future.

Close-up on Organization

• Where do I start?
• What kind of organization could be unique, clear, and interesting?
• Is this writing supposed to inform, persuade, or entertain? What type of organization would work best for my purpose?

Tio Armando by Florence Parry Heide & Roxanne Heide Peirce

What is this story trying to do?

• show how a family changed with the presence of Tio Armando over a year; show the legacy he left to his great-grandniece

How is it organized?

• each page shows a new month over a year; reflects on the changes the family experienced

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• a poem about a place or growing up; an essay about environmental changes, something documentary-style showing steps in a political movement (like a campaign, a war, or a civil rights movement)

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

What is this story trying to do?

• demonstrate how this was truly a terrible day for Alexander

How is it organized?

• chronological order, from the moment he awakes until he’s back in bed

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• interview/autobiography/profile of a famous person, showing a typical day in the life of any writing that depends on order of events (narratives)

Everybody Needs a Rock by Byrd Baylor

Whats is this story trying to do?

• make selecting a rock into something of a ceremony; make the rock more special

How is it organized?

• as a list of ten rules

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• tips or suggestions–non-fiction writing, comedy writing and satire (annotated top-ten lists)

Alternative Organizations

• Cause and effect–persuasive pieces, history
• Framing or flashbacks–fiction, non-fiction that requires background
• Postcard or letter style–Focus on relationships, journeys, and first-hand accounts
• Diary or journal style–Focus on first-hand accounts (fiction or non-fiction); a way to bring history to life

Universally Awesome Organization: The Day the Whale Came by Eve Bunting

• Hook: Boom! Right from the beginning we have a reason to keep reading and we are drawn in.
• Strong body with transitions: Good connecting words, and everything follows through
• Mighty conclusion
• A comprehensive title
• and a common thread tying it all together

How to Hook ‘em: Rate These Starters!

Let’s start with a piece about going scuba diving:

“I have always thought the ocean is a beautiful and interesting place, so I was excited to go scuba diving.”

If this is the first sentence of the piece, would you be driven to read more???

How about:

“Last summer, I went scuba diving for the first time. It was amazing.”

Again, would you be driven to read more???

Let’s give it another try:

“Tiny fish sparked with vibrant colors in the jade-green waters that cradled me and the tank of oxygen on my back. I had been excited about diving for the first time, but not even I had predicted it would feel like this–weightless in some otherworldly work of living art.”

Notice the difference between the first two and the third example starters. In the first two, they are TELLING. The ocean is “beautiful,” “interesting,” “amazing.” Don’t tell, just take the reader there and create a strong hook by using the senses or something that conjures a poignant image.

We have tiny fish, jade-green waters, a sensation of being held by the water, being weightless, and being within a work of living art. Suddenly, we have a very sensory experience the reader can fall into. The focus is on figurative language.

Next:

“Imagine how it would feel to give up dry land, the ability to breathe freely, and sunlight for two hours. Last summer, I did just that, and my life has never been the same.”

This is totally different. Here you are asking the reader to imagine and take things that are very essential to life and make the reader wonder what it would be like without them.

Capture an emotion or get the reader to imagine a scene.

“It felt like a dream.”

The short, simple sentence above could also be your first sentence and your hook. It raises the questions, “What?” and “Why?” Use a short, intriguing sentence that you build off of later.

” ‘Ocean: a body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man–who has no gills.’ (Ambrose Bierce)  This past summer, I got my gills.”

Here is an example of starting with a quote and tying into your life. By good use of a relevant quotation you’ve created a good hook.

Wrapping It Up: Mighty Conclusions

• Restate your point in fresh words.
• End with a quote.
• Share an insight or make a wish.
• Make a prediction.
• Issue a call to action.
• End with a strong image, use figurative language, have the reader imagine.

Wrapping It Up: Organization

• You have loads of options! Pick what works for what your writing is trying to say.
• Hook them with your intro!
• Build with strong transitions in your body!
• Wrap up with a mighty conclusion.
• Choose an interesting title that reflects all your piece, not just part.