Gloria & Audrey Harchar

OurWorld is a fun is a fun online multiplayer game I have been getting into. They update the site all the time to keep up with all the new aspects they develop. It’s fun to play puzzle games by yourself, or visit an area where others gather and join in. Whatever strikes your mood! You can tell when you first enter the site that everyone is striving to make their avatar look awesome. As you level, you get more options available to you.

Come play with me!

This Christmas is the best

Because we have all our family

It’s better than the rest

Because we have Warren and Suzoni

By Anonymous (Can you guess who in our 8th Grade class it is? )

heart of cold

soul of fire

she feels me with

complete desire

the way she looked

got me hooked

I saw her as I was getting a book

with a body so cute

my mind couldn’t compute

Defining Sentence Fluency

• When you read a particular piece aloud ask yourself, does it flow naturally? Does it keep moving forward smoothly, maintaining your interest?
• Sentence fluency is the natural, engaging rhythm of writing.

What Affects the Flow of Writing?

• Speed: long vs. short sentences
• Repetition: thoughtless or thoughtful
• Order of clauses and simple, compound, complex sentences
• sound devices to slow down of speed up your writing
• Varied transitions and beginnings

Which of the other traits can you see sentence fluency being most tied to?

Repetition is like IDEAS and ORGANIZATION, transitions is like IDEAS, sound devices is like WORD CHOICE issue.

Fried Fluency #1: Thoughtless Repetition and Choppy Sentences

Blah:

“Field trips are an important part of education. Field trips let students see how what they are learning matters outside the classroom. Students are actually able to see ideas in action. Field trips also provide a change in routine. Changes in routine can keep education exciting.”

With the choppy sentences and the word repetition of the section above, this essay is anything but interesting. It needs some revision.

• Can we change the fluency but keep the ideas and word choice almost the same?

Goal: change the lengths and types of sentences

Better:

“Because they let students see how what they are learning matters outside the classroom, field trips are an important part of education. Students are actually able to see ideas in action. Field trips also provide a change in routine, which helps keep education exciting.”

We began with a complex sentence, with a subordinate clause first. The next sentence is a simple sentence. Vary in you sentence structure!!!

Taking Risks with Language

• Include figurative language
• Utilize keen, sharp verbs–and fewer adverbs!

Instead of ran quickly, say dash,

and instead of walked slowly, say crawled

• Try exact nouns for authenticity and clarity. It will make it seem you know what you are talking about and it will bring a clearer picture of what you are talking about.

If  you are writing about going to the beach, don’t say you saw birds. Tell what kind of birds they are. Are they gulls?

• Include appropriate use of alliteration, rhyme, and sound devices
• Some words should be a bit new to you–you are stretching as a writer.
• Use adjectives that illuminate, using many different senses
• Figurative Language? Like what? Similes, metaphors, hyperbole, personification, etc.
• Blah:      The town was small and run-down.
• Better:     The gray, tired town was just small enough that the large oak at the south end of town hid it completely from the view of most travelers of State Route 55.

The town being described as tired is personification. Also, its hard for a whole town to be hidden by a tree.

• Blah:    Martha was fast. She ran faster than anyone else in her grade.
• Better:   Anyone who watched Martha run said she must have had a tornado for a father and a rocket for a mother. The girl was that fast.  (this is a hyperbole)

• Figurative Language? Like what? Similes, metaphors, hyperbole, personification, etc.
• Blah:    He heard beautiful music–the most amazing music he’d ever heard. He stood perfectly still, listening, until he forgot everything else.
• Better:    The music was sunlight and racing barefoot in summer. It was cool water in a tall glass, laughter, the best dream he’d ever had. He froze, letting wave after wave crash over him until everything else was washing away, and finally, just he was left, like foam weightless on top of this ocean of sound.

Music, here, is being described with metaphors and similes.

Six Traits Lecture: Close-up on Voice

Defining Voice

• Does this piece seem like anyone could have written it, or does it have a distinct personality?

– The uniqueness of what is said and how it is said helps define voice.

If Voice Depends On the Author, What Makes It Good?

• the author cares about the topic–and you can tell by how they talk about it
• the tone is appropriate to the subject and the audience
• strong feeling, honest statements
• clear and well-developed personality–the writing is able to create a connection and seeming interaction between author and audience
• does the writing have a gift for voice? well… do you feel something when you read their work?
• would you keep reading it even if it were much longer?

So, Does the Author Care??

Bad Idea:

• I’m writing because I think school dress codes are a bad idea.

(There isn’t anything to expand on this idea. )

Better Idea:

• By setting restrictions on appropriate dress, schools create more problems then they solve.

(Now, there is some thing to work with! You can discuss the problems dress code creates rather than solves.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bad Idea:

• It’s really bad when stupid people let their pets go in the wild, like in the Everglades with all the pythons. I think it’s dangerous because those snakes destroy everything.

Better Idea:

• When they release pets into the wild, well-meaning but uninformed owners are triggering potential catastrophes. One example is the increasing threat from the giant Burmese pythons in the Florida Everglades. A fierce predator, the python is dangerous for birds, mammals, alligators, and perhaps even humans.

Setting the Tone

formal vs informal

Tones to have in your writing: Dreamy, Frustrated, Concerned, Sarcastic, Sincere, or Humorous

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

(Good example of tone, though the first sentence breaks the rules with a run-on sentence. But this is done for the purpose of tone. The character is a very upset little boy and this is how he would express all his thoughts.)

“At breakfast Antony found a Corvette Sting Ray car kit in his breakfast cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code ring in his breakfast cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I’ll move to Australia.”

Other Notes on Voice

• The trait of voice is highly linked to word choice.
• The narrative voice is not the same thing as the author–a capable author can use different voices when necessary.
• Voice is perhaps the hardest thing to teach or formally learn. It is acquired by reading heaps and heaps and writing loads!

Voice Pitfalls

Forcing a persona that isn’t you and about whom you don’t know very much

• trying to sound intelligent: intelligence comes through with clean, effective, accurate points, not “verbal fluff” and fancy words
• trying to speak from the point of view of someone different from you if you don’t understand their perspective in an authentic way

Showing your feelings by stating them instead of showing them through powerful language (This is BAD, BAD, BAD)

• Remember the examples from earlier about dress codes and the Burmese pythons?

Wrapping It Up: The Big Picture in Voice

• Care about your topic. If you have no choice in the topic, find an angle that you can care about. That will give your writing power.
• Be honest about who you are and what you believe–don’t put something just because you think you’ll get a better grade or a better reception if you say something other than what you believe.
• Let your writing take on personality. You want to create a connection with your audience–you want them to be excited to read more of what you have to say in the future.

Close-up on Organization

• Where do I start?
• What kind of organization could be unique, clear, and interesting?
• Is this writing supposed to inform, persuade, or entertain? What type of organization would work best for my purpose?

Tio Armando by Florence Parry Heide & Roxanne Heide Peirce

What is this story trying to do?

• show how a family changed with the presence of Tio Armando over a year; show the legacy he left to his great-grandniece

How is it organized?

• each page shows a new month over a year; reflects on the changes the family experienced

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• a poem about a place or growing up; an essay about environmental changes, something documentary-style showing steps in a political movement (like a campaign, a war, or a civil rights movement)

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

What is this story trying to do?

• demonstrate how this was truly a terrible day for Alexander

How is it organized?

• chronological order, from the moment he awakes until he’s back in bed

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• interview/autobiography/profile of a famous person, showing a typical day in the life of any writing that depends on order of events (narratives)

Everybody Needs a Rock by Byrd Baylor

Whats is this story trying to do?

• make selecting a rock into something of a ceremony; make the rock more special

How is it organized?

• as a list of ten rules

What other types of writing could be organized this way?

• tips or suggestions–non-fiction writing, comedy writing and satire (annotated top-ten lists)

Alternative Organizations

• Cause and effect–persuasive pieces, history
• Framing or flashbacks–fiction, non-fiction that requires background
• Postcard or letter style–Focus on relationships, journeys, and first-hand accounts
• Diary or journal style–Focus on first-hand accounts (fiction or non-fiction); a way to bring history to life

Universally Awesome Organization: The Day the Whale Came by Eve Bunting

• Hook: Boom! Right from the beginning we have a reason to keep reading and we are drawn in.
• Strong body with transitions: Good connecting words, and everything follows through
• Mighty conclusion
• A comprehensive title
• and a common thread tying it all together

How to Hook ‘em: Rate These Starters!

Let’s start with a piece about going scuba diving:

“I have always thought the ocean is a beautiful and interesting place, so I was excited to go scuba diving.”

If this is the first sentence of the piece, would you be driven to read more???

How about:

“Last summer, I went scuba diving for the first time. It was amazing.”

Again, would you be driven to read more???

Let’s give it another try:

“Tiny fish sparked with vibrant colors in the jade-green waters that cradled me and the tank of oxygen on my back. I had been excited about diving for the first time, but not even I had predicted it would feel like this–weightless in some otherworldly work of living art.”

Notice the difference between the first two and the third example starters. In the first two, they are TELLING. The ocean is “beautiful,” “interesting,” “amazing.” Don’t tell, just take the reader there and create a strong hook by using the senses or something that conjures a poignant image.

We have tiny fish, jade-green waters, a sensation of being held by the water, being weightless, and being within a work of living art. Suddenly, we have a very sensory experience the reader can fall into. The focus is on figurative language.

Next:

“Imagine how it would feel to give up dry land, the ability to breathe freely, and sunlight for two hours. Last summer, I did just that, and my life has never been the same.”

This is totally different. Here you are asking the reader to imagine and take things that are very essential to life and make the reader wonder what it would be like without them.

Capture an emotion or get the reader to imagine a scene.

“It felt like a dream.”

The short, simple sentence above could also be your first sentence and your hook. It raises the questions, “What?” and “Why?” Use a short, intriguing sentence that you build off of later.

” ‘Ocean: a body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man–who has no gills.’ (Ambrose Bierce)  This past summer, I got my gills.”

Here is an example of starting with a quote and tying into your life. By good use of a relevant quotation you’ve created a good hook.

Wrapping It Up: Mighty Conclusions

• Restate your point in fresh words.
• End with a quote.
• Share an insight or make a wish.
• Make a prediction.
• Issue a call to action.
• End with a strong image, use figurative language, have the reader imagine.

Wrapping It Up: Organization

• You have loads of options! Pick what works for what your writing is trying to say.
• Hook them with your intro!
• Build with strong transitions in your body!
• Wrap up with a mighty conclusion.
• Choose an interesting title that reflects all your piece, not just part.

TOPICS VS. IDEAS

ROUND 1

We need a sense of how narrow a topic needs to be for us to write about it. Roughly, let’s start with this example:

Topic: My dog

Ideas: She’s funny.

“I have a really funny dog named Boo. She is just hilarious. We laugh all the time at the stuff she does. My mom says she’s the funniest pet we’ve ever had. She chases all sorts of things–squirrels, cars, lights, my brother. She’s a really fun and funny pet.”

Ideas: What do you have to say?

The paper is clear and focused. It holds the reader’s attention. Relevant anecdotes and details enrich the central theme.

• Narrow, manageable topic
• Quality details go beyond the obvious or predictable
• Writing from experience–ideas fresh and original

So, back to the funny dog story. As a reader, we are unamused. We need to get solid ideas out there to communicate to the reader.

• Look! (And listen, touch, taste, smell…whatever!)
• Try to get the creative juices going.

There is the topic: dog. But really not any ideas. So lets decide on that.

• Boo runs until she is sick
• Chases lights from windows or water glass reflections or watches.
• Barks at the horses on TV
• Good at soccer, for a dog
• Ate mouse poison (eats everything!)
• Tries to get the laser pointer “red bug” and cries when she can’t
• Barks at real-life horses
• Tries to catch her own tail

These are really concrete examples about the dog that may be something to write about. Using examples like this, tell a story, an anecdote, to make your words come to life.

TAKE 1

The new topic can now change to:

My dog: Goofy or Gifted?

And the new ideas:

Mom says she’s not very smart because she does stuff like chase light on the floor and play ball until she gets sick, but I think that curiosity is a sign of serious smarts.

Now, a new take on the introduction to the essay:

“The debate probably started before Red Bug appeared, but it’s Red Bug that seems to be one of Mom’s big points in proving that my dog, Boo, isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. You see, when a dog is driven to crying because her best efforts aren’t helping her catch a dot of red laser light skimming across the floor, for some reason my Mom thinks that’s a sign the dog isn’t too bright. For me, though, Boo’s fascination with Red Bug is a sign of curiosity… and curiosity is a mark of intelligence. Sure, Boo’s “investigations” into her world aren’t exactly scientific–and they often make me laugh until I hurt!–but that doesn’t mean my puppy is on the slow side!”

This new introduction has more depth and examples. We can now also compare Boo with Red Bug, and the difference between how mother and daughter feel about this one dog.

IDEAS: WHERE’D WE GO RIGHT?

• We took a close look at our topic and brainstormed.
• We picked an angle.
• We got specific.
• We used anecdotes.

HOW DO WE KEEP GOING STRONG?

• Stay specific and highlight what makes Boo different from other dogs.
• Make everything point toward the debate between writer and her mother. But make sure this isn’t a sidetrack part, though it is a major part of the essay. Remember to stay clear.
• Stay away from stereotypes or universal stories. No one wants to read what one already knows.

WRAPPING IT UP: IDEAS AND CONTENT

• Take a close look– investigate with your senses until you realize what it is you actually want to say about your topic.
• Brainstorm–try more than one type of idea-generating. Webs, lists, freewrites, diagrams, and flow charts all work! Keep going until you have an idea that strikes you!
• Be specific and relevant in choosing details and examples.

WHAT MAKES WRITING GOOD?

What type of writing is it?

What is it intended to do?

Universals:

• Clear: You should be able to get it without busting your braincells. You’re going to have to do some thinking, but the point should be visible.
• Creative: Good writing should be creative, interesting, unexpected.
• Carefully-crafted: There’s a great attention to detail.
• Correct: Good writing should be correct in terms of grammar and syntax.
• Clean: You are going to pick up a nice, clean copy of a book. It’s going to look professional.
• Compelling: It should pull the reader in. Make them not let go until the end.

THE SIX TRAITS (PLUS ONE!)

Ideas: What do you have to say?

Organization: Do ideas follow logically from each other? Are thoughts arranged for maximum effect? Have you chosen an order to paste things to best impart your message to the reader?

Voice: Does it have your thumbprint? Does it sound like something you would write and only you can put this personal seal on it?

Word Choice: Do your descriptions and explanations ” pop?” Do they make your words come to life?

Sentence Fluency: Do the pace and flow pull you along through the piece? Do they speed up when they should speed up and slow down when they should slow down?

Conventions: Are grammar and other conventions observed? You do need good grammar in your work but it should not be the main focus when you write.

Presentation: Does it have your thumbprint?? (hopefully not!) A clean paper is important. It looks like you take pride in your work if the ink isn’t smudged and the page isn’t bent. Make it look professional.

THE WRITING PROCESS AND SIX TRAITS

Remember the writing process: Prewriting, Drafting and revising, Editing, Publishing

• Prewriting is when ideas and organization are thought about and formed.
• In drafting and revising, you don’t stop working with ideas and organization. You’re also going to be working with work choice, voice and sentence fluency. You’re going to set it all out and try to improve things specifically
• While editing is when you should only worry about conventions. You shouldn’t deal with grammar until this step.
• Publishing is presentation.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’VE GOT IT?

Here is the rating system:

1. NOT YET: a bare beginning; writer not yet showing any control
2. EMERGING: need for revision outweighs strengths; isolated moments hint at what the writer has in mind
3. DEVELOPING: strengths and need for revision are about equal; about half-way home
4. EFFECTIVE: on balance, the strengths outweigh the weaknesses; a small amount of revision is needed
5. STRONG: shows control and skill in this trait; many strengths present

A sentence is a group of words with a subject and a predicate that express a complete thought.

Sentences can be classified by for basic structures of a sentence.

- simple

- compound

- complex

- compound-complex

SIMPLE SENTENCES

A simple sentence consists of a single independent clause.

It must contain a subject and a verb.

It may contain complements, modifiers and phrases, etc, but as long as you have ONE subject and ONE verb it’s classified as a simple sentence.

It does not contain any subordinate clauses.

Example:

- The siren sounded.

(siren=SUBJECT, sounded=VERB)

- A written history dating back to 600 B.C. was found in a cave near Jerusalem.

(This is longer, but it’s still a simple sentence.  A written history dating back to 600 B.C. = SUBJECT,  was found in a cave near Jerusalem = PREDICATE, was found= SIMPLE PREDICATE)

COMPOUND SENTENCES

Basically, there are two ore more simple sentences that are joined by a coordinating conjunction. Coordinating conjunctions are: and, but, or, yet, nor, for. That’s the case in most compound sentences.

A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses.

In most compound sentences they are joined by a comma and one of the coordinating conjunctions.

Examples:

- Israel is a democratic republic, and it has a parliament-cabinet form of government.

(Israel and it are the SUBJECTS, is and has are the VERBS. There is a comma and a COORDINATING CONJUNCTION- , and)

- The population of Israel is approximately 4,700,000, but only 8 percent of the people live in rural areas.

(The population of Israel= SUBJECT, is=VERB, and all together is approximately 4,700,000= PREDICATE, ,but = comma and COORDINATING CONJUNCTION, only 8 percent of the people= SUBJECT and percent = SIMPLE SUBJECT, live in rural areas= PREDICATE and live= SIMPLE PREDICATE)

COMPLEX SENTENCES

A complex sentence consists of one independent clause and one or more subordinate clauses.

The independent clause is often called the main clause.

The main and the subordinate clause each have their own subjects and verbs.

Examples:

- When the fog lifted, we continued our trip.

(we continued our trip= INDEPENDENT CLAUSE or MAIN CLAUSE, When the fog lifted= DEPENDENT CLAUSE. Even though fog is the SUBJECT and lifted is the VERB, because when is a COORDINATING CONJUNCTION this clause is DEPENDENT. We continued is subject and verb.)

- The person who will speak last is my sister.

(The MAIN CLAUSE is broken by the SUBORDINATE CLAUSE. The person… is my sister = MAIN CLAUSE or INDEPENDENT CLAUSE, who will speak last = SUBORDINATE CLAUSE or DEPENDENT CLAUSE. It cannot stand alone.

COMPOUND-COMPLEX SENTENCES

A compound-complex sentence consists of two or more independent clauses and one or more subordinate clauses.

Examples:

- As he was leaving for school, Larry remembered to take his lunch, but he forget the report that he had finished the night before.

(Larry remembered to take his lunch and he forget the report are two INDEPENDENTS and ,but is the COORDINATING CONJUNCTION. Now the complex part, one SUBORDINATE CLAUSE, that he had finished the night before)

SENTENCE STRUCTURE: EXERCISES

- The area that is known as the Middle East stands at the crossroads of three continents.

(INDEPENDENT CLAUSE = The area … stands at the crossroads of three continents, SUBORDINATE CLAUSE = that is known as the Middle East. It cannot stand alone. So, this is a complex sentence.)

- Since the ancient times, it has connected major trade routes over land and sea.

(it is the SUBJECT and has connected is the VERB. This is a simple sentence, only one subject and one verb.)

- Some of the ideas we use today, but others have been lost.

(We is a SUBJECT, use is the VERB, and some is the DIRECT OBJECT. We’ve got a comma and a COORDINATING CONJUNCTION. Others is our SUBJECT and have been is the VERB. This is a compound sentence.)